January 9, 2020
Today I had a session with my therapist Carol. She meets me early in the morning, God love her. I’m learning to get out of my head and relate to all parts of me, including my body. She has patiently waited for me to make the shift from telling her about all that has happened since I last met with her to dealing in the moment with whatever part is up and needing attention on a given day. The past three sessions have been more dynamic and therefore helpful because of this change. We addressed my protective parts that have been activated lately: my tendency as a child to minimizing an event or my true feelings, and if that did not work, I would unplug and disconnect from my emotions and body. I also made incorrect assumptions that over time have hardened into an intellectual “wall” of practical untruths (for example, “I can’t have what I really want”). The beginning of any distorted belief is always created by a real event. It’s just that the conclusions that our young, impressionable minds come to are all too literal and therefore not accurate or true.
The activating event for my protective parts is not a negative one. I went on a date in December and have had the good fortune of meeting a kind woman who is romantic and likes to express her affection through gifts. It’s been a bit overwhelming to be the recipient of attention again after being single for over five years and my requests for slowing things down are falling on deaf ears. I had been preoccupied with the end of my last partnership for a long time but since last summer, I have been making concerted efforts to shift my focus. In a way, I’m waking up a part of me that has been dormant. Because of this, I have been a challenge to date. I have not been clear at times on what I need or want.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes has a footnote in the back of her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, on the story of Sleeping Beauty. She notes that fairy tales teach us over and over that when it’s time, it’s time. Sleeping Beauty awakens, not because the prince is her knight in shining armor and heroically kisses her, but because the hundred year curse is up and the thorn forest surrounding the tower where she lays unconscious falls away.
When it’s time, it’s time. I'm fumbling towards consciousness and doing the best I can.
NN
Today I had a session with my therapist Carol. She meets me early in the morning, God love her. I’m learning to get out of my head and relate to all parts of me, including my body. She has patiently waited for me to make the shift from telling her about all that has happened since I last met with her to dealing in the moment with whatever part is up and needing attention on a given day. The past three sessions have been more dynamic and therefore helpful because of this change. We addressed my protective parts that have been activated lately: my tendency as a child to minimizing an event or my true feelings, and if that did not work, I would unplug and disconnect from my emotions and body. I also made incorrect assumptions that over time have hardened into an intellectual “wall” of practical untruths (for example, “I can’t have what I really want”). The beginning of any distorted belief is always created by a real event. It’s just that the conclusions that our young, impressionable minds come to are all too literal and therefore not accurate or true.
The activating event for my protective parts is not a negative one. I went on a date in December and have had the good fortune of meeting a kind woman who is romantic and likes to express her affection through gifts. It’s been a bit overwhelming to be the recipient of attention again after being single for over five years and my requests for slowing things down are falling on deaf ears. I had been preoccupied with the end of my last partnership for a long time but since last summer, I have been making concerted efforts to shift my focus. In a way, I’m waking up a part of me that has been dormant. Because of this, I have been a challenge to date. I have not been clear at times on what I need or want.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes has a footnote in the back of her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, on the story of Sleeping Beauty. She notes that fairy tales teach us over and over that when it’s time, it’s time. Sleeping Beauty awakens, not because the prince is her knight in shining armor and heroically kisses her, but because the hundred year curse is up and the thorn forest surrounding the tower where she lays unconscious falls away.
When it’s time, it’s time. I'm fumbling towards consciousness and doing the best I can.
NN