May 3, 2020
For the past
month, I have been sharing my condo with a nest of birds perched right outside
and above my bathroom window. Every morning I hear the muffled chirps and tweets
of the fledglings whenever they are being visited by a parent with food. They
are crammed into a small space right at the roof line and I have been concerned
about there being enough room as the tiny birds grow. There were scratching and
pecking sounds as well as new calls and squawks at the beginning of the week, making
me wonder if the time had come for them to fly the coop. The absolute silence
the past two mornings as I washed my face and brushed my teeth confirms that
the little ones have indeed left the nest.
Funny, I too
am facing a similar quandary right now. At the beginning of the year, my work landlord
called a meeting and informed me and the other four practitioners that sublease
from her that she needed a change. She outlined details as best she could of
what some of the changes might look like. Initially, it seemed reasonable to
hope that we would be in transition for a long time. However, COVID-19
completely changed all of that and we were given a definitive end date of June
30th.
I was
clearly in denial, as the news hit me hard. After getting cranky for a day and
then having a big cry the next, I realized that I was grieving the loss of the
community I’d come to love being a part of. I came to my work space almost five
years ago because my ex and I ended our life partnership and I needed some
separation since we were still going to stay in business together. It was the
perfect place to land during that hard time. The collection of strong, warm and
incredible women (and a few men) provided a healthy interdependence and connection.
The office itself is within walking distance to my condo, is affordable and I
like the vibe I have created in my cozy nook. I do not want to leave this nest
but it is a reality I am being forced to accept.
I was not
raised to acknowledge, express or talk about my feelings. After having a
nightmare one night (in the dream, a hand reached through a dark space to grab
my hand and I woke up screaming) and then frustrating themes in my dream the
next (like having a new client but not being able to get to my office and later
in the dream dealing with water pipes bursting, then wanting a cup of coffee
but being in a new city and not knowing where any coffee shops were etc. etc.
etc.), it occurred to me that I was not addressing my fears, worries and upset.
The squawking nest of baby birds encouraged me to have the sense to inhabit and
vocalize my feelings. I have been easing into this new transition ever since
because as I accept how I feel, it ironically gets less difficult and then the
shift enables me to be proactive.
Thank you
baby birds for teaching me to squawk a bit and nudging me to summon the courage
to fly to a different perch.
NN