September 6, 2020
On a recent trip to Blowing Rock, I came up after dinner on a Friday night. I didn’t have a full tank of gas but knew I had enough to get me up the mountains. There is a station right outside of Lenoir before you hit the final steep ascent up Highway 321. It’s a quirky, local spot I like to support.
It was after 9 pm and starting to get dark, so I wasn’t able to see that the office had already closed until I pulled up to the pumps. I still had about an eighth of a tank, plenty to get me safely to my destination. But there was something about being alone, the approaching darkness, and too many stories in my head involving violence that caused my mind to begin playing a fictitious short film with a sinister plot: an innocent woman, stranded, and gosh, this mountain store, complete with the foreshadowing of neon signage intermittently flashing, seems like a God-send to a desperate situation, but the creepy soundtrack lets you the viewer know it is not the case and that disturbing things are about to happen.
Right as I started to pull through the edge of the station to get back on the highway, I glanced to my left and then quickly to my right at the perfect time to catch what I had never fully paid any attention to. There are quite a number of cement, life sized statues of deer and other things, including a very believable and large replica of Big Foot.
My heart jumped into my throat as I instinctively mashed the accelerator to get out of false harm’s way. After a second or two, laughing with relief, I took a final look, just to make sure the joke was on me. Big Foot was indeed not moving and so I quickly got the hell out of there.
Our minds are hard-wired for survival to notice and remember danger and I cannot help my protective reaction to check on that stupid statue every time I get gas there or even pass by this business. While “normal,” it is helpful to be aware of this tendency and pay attention to the bigger picture.
With all of the changes and challenges I’m facing, that my community, our country and world are grappling with right now in 2020, I know my fear has been heightened. But I have allowed it to silence me and snuff me out through judgment, real or imagined, and have quit before I got fired. I stopped believing in my compass altogether instead of staying with it and deepening my reading of it. In doing so, I had nothing to write about. It’s been depressing to just check out from overwhelm and I know I have to act despite what I feel.
It feels good to come back to these pages. I am choosing, just for today, to show up, to be as present as I’m able and to write.
NN
